The Crimes of Patti Mayonnaise

Patti Mayonnaise. The quintessential all-American girl. With her blonde hair, dark complexion and an enchanting voice with just a hint of Southern twang, it’s easy to see why Doug Funny of Nickelodeon’s Doug had a crush on her.

Nickelodeon

Nickelodeon

With such an innocent and caring nature, it’s hard to imagine Patti ever doing anything to land her in jail. 

Alas, she was convicted of manslaughter of a minor and was incarcerated at Litchfield Penitentiary. Or at least, Constance Shulman, the actor who provided Patti’s voice, pays a character in Orange is the New Black, who was convicted of the crime mentioned before.

Yoga Jones from Orange is the New Black - Lionsgate Television

Yoga Jones from Orange is the New Black - Lionsgate Television

Manslaughter usually is.

Shulman plays Yoga Jones, the center-seeking yoga instructor in Litchfield Penitentiary. Once you realize this, you will never be able to un-hear Patti Mayonnaise every time you watch the prison-based drama.

On a related note, few people know that, in addition to rich snobs and poor immigrants, the Titanic was also carrying a shipment of Hellman’s new condiment, Mayonnaise. After it docked in New York, the ship was meant to go on to Mexico to drop the new shipment off.

Of course the ship sank, and to mark the tragic turn of events Mexico still has a national day of mourning every May 5th. Sinko de Mayo.

*NOTE: The final two paragraphs are complete bullcrap and a pathetic attempt at humor. Please regard them as complete fiction.

Source: IMDB

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