Remembering the Former Glory of Pizza Hut

Pizza Hut is now synonymous with generic, cheap and utterly tasteless delivery pizza. Perhaps its not the worst delivery you could get, but it's not exactly high praise when the best that can be said about your product is, "you could do worse."

Though, admittedly, plenty of successful-ish relationships have started on the basis of "you could do worse."

There was a time when Pizza Hut was more than an option you settled on when you were too lazy and/or poor to consider others. There was a time when the red-roof logo meant more than shame-in-a-box that is high in both sodium and cholesterol.

I'm talking about a time when little-league teams flocked to red brick, red-roofed huts filled with affordable pizza and all-you-can-drink soda. It was a time when families came together round candlelit tables laden with greasy, wondrous slices of pizzas and red, translucent plastic cups. 

It's a proven fact that root beer tastes roughly 623 times better when drunk from these glasses.

Nothing could compare to those glorious nights when your parents took you to a local Pizza Hut. The lighting was always dim, the soda never stopped flowing and the atmosphere was always so homey. There were actual servers who took your order. Sure, it was technically still "fast food" but it felt like a nice sit down place. 

What most Pizza Huts used to look like.

Some of my fondest childhood memories are of eating greasy pizza while playing with the latest movie-tie in toy Pizza Hut was offering. Heck, I think I managed to collect all of the Casper puppets they  were promoting alongside the premiere of the movie starring my perennial hollywood crush of the 90s, Christina Ricci. 

Gallery: Pizza Hut Promotional Toys

Not only did Pizza Hut have some of the best toys for kids, they also had some of the most memorable commercials featuring everybody's favorite Mr. Bill ripoff, Pizza Head. The ads featured the anthropomorphic pizza slice and his never ending struggle with the sadistic pizza slicer Sluggo--err I mean, Steve. Now the commercials seem incredibly dull-witted but to a stupid seven-year-old, they were comedic genius.

There are still some sit-down Pizza Hut locations, though their numbers are slowly dwindling, and many of them no longer bear the iconic red roof of their predecessors. The old locations are slowly being overtaken by lesser establishments, but they aren't fooling anybody.

You sit on the shoulders of giants, Subway.

One of the hardest parts of growing up (in the First World at least) is realizing that some things you loved as a child will never return. It's very hard to watch a brand you used to love swirl deeper and deeper down the drain of the mediocrity-crapper but, alas, such is life. At least us 90s kids will always have our memories. We will always be able to remember a time when Pizza Hut did not royally suck.

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